My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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