i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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