My sheets look like a crime scene.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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