i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
