I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
