I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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