Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
