Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
