Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
