from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
