I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Of course I have a pirate flag
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
