You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
