I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
