Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
