I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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