You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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