I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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