So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
