so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The air taste purple.
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