is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
