meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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