I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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