I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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