please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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