the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
