the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
