I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
