Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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