Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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