Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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