Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
