Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
