he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will be naked everywhere
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
