I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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