I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
