he shaved USA in his pubs
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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