she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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