If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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