i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
