I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
