i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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