Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What a dumb baby whore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
