Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
