You smell like a Billy Joel song
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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