Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
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How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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