Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
