All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
