Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
