a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
When are your genitals available?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
