I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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