: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
