That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
false alarm. still invincible.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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