I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
