new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize