i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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