You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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