Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
