ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
