Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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