I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
